So, I estimated today at work that my concentration was maybe 50%. Everyone assumed that my pain level was that high, although I did have a headache all day, that was the least of my concern. It's knowing that I'm going to have to have surgery. I play it down quite a bit, mainly because what else am I supposed to do. When I wake up in the morning, I think about the looming surgery....when I go to sleep at night, I think about the looming surgery. Not just the surgery itself, but what's going to happen after the surgery. How will my recovery be? Will there be any complications? Will my family be alright while I'm laid up and not able to do anything? How long will I be in the hospital? Will everything be taken care of at work? Will I be returning to a complete disaster after the surgery? Will I be able to stay in the military after surgery? Will the surgery help? Will I have to go through a Medical Evaluation Board (MEB)? Will I be on a permanent profile for running? Will I still be worldwide qualified? Will I ever be able to deploy with Chiari? Will the syrinx resolve itself, or will I have it for the rest of my life?
As you can see, the pain is the least of my worries right now. Unfortunately, I won't know the answer to most of these questions until after the surgery. So, for now, I just vent on here, and press on. I have decided that beginning in May, I will be taking quite a bit of leave to spend time with the family, and get some honey-dos done before I'm laid up for a month or two. Luckily, the Air Force provides that extended leave, and my leadership is great and very understanding about what is going on for me.
I have an appt with my primary care manager tomorrow morning to get her take on things, then an appt on Wednesday with a neurologist. I'm anticipating both of them saying that surgery is my best option since that is what I've read online, particularly with the syrinx. If that is the recommendations I get, I will schedule a follow-up with my neurosurgeon to schedule the surgery and get some last questions answered. I will keep you all informed when I find out more.
We are going to get through this babe, we just have to take each day as it comes and prepare for the surgery as well as we can. When the time does come for surgery all you need to worry about it YOU RECOVERING! It is going to be okay babe. I love you more each and every day and I am prepared to be anything you need me to be for you through all of this! <3
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